Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
