Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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