I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
