He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
