can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
