When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
