try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
