No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
