im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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