And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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