I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
