God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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