Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize