I wanna bring you to show and tell
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
