So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
