I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
