the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
