i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
