Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
try to milk me bitch
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