just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
