At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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