Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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