you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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