Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
