I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
