had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
