Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i'm inner monologue high
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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