ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize