If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That accounts for only three of the penises
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
