when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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