It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize