hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
