Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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