She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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