I just made out with a guy for $7.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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