i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
NoShamevember. You game?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
