I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
