I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
