If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
