didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
