Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I could make wine with my vomit
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
