its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
