They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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