dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
