I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my liver is dry heaving
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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