Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
