After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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