I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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