I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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