I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
