Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
