they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
