i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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