I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
