shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
