She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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