I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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