So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
