Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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