I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize