wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
