ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
