So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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