....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize