I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize