Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
