went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
