Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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