you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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