when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
