i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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